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a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl
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I'm in that zen state that occurs when there's a blade to your neck.
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Choice, not Chance, determines your Destiny
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Let's say you want to read some older entries. The most recent 75 entries can be reached by clicking on the "«older" link. Anything older than that, you'll need to go to the calendar and root around there.
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1033 pm
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Recent non-locked content focuses mostly on my Bipolar II diagnosis and the steps I'm taking to get better. Any sex-related content is locked; please read behind the cut if you're interested.
( New visitors may click HERE. )
(4 space pants | feel the pants)
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Thanks to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) yin_again for the heads-up on this site: Fuck You, Penguin. Of note is the newest entry here. Pics are safe for work, but there are plenty of text profanities on these pages. Pretty damned funny if you like funny and/or ugly animals.
(4 space pants | feel the pants)
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let's take the boat out
wait until darkness
(feel the pants)
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Cute mini-interview with Chris Pine who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek movie. 10 Things Guys Wish You Knew. Do you think these are valid generalizations, or do they only apply to men in their 20's (and under)? Some of them sound pretty global to me.
(5 space pants | feel the pants)
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I started freaking out today. After one hysterical, crying phone call to my best friend, I feel calmer but not better. The things that bothered me earlier today are still there, and they are still at the edge of what I can bear. I considered both suicide and amputation today - possible but undesirable solutions to my problems. I think I will have to throw money at doctors until one of them finds a solution, but I can tell that process will not be quick.
I want somebody to hold me and pet me sweetly, but I also don't want anyone to touch me. I cancelled this week's booty call - too strange and unpleasant to consider doing that with someone who doesn't love and cherish me. I had a second date with a guy over the weekend, and that was also weird. Like, there's this person sitting next to me talking to me, and he probably wants to have sex with me, but we're not really talking about that which is good because I think I would throw a tantrum instead of saying, "not now." And he talks to me but he's so separate from me that it's as if he's not real. I could have been chatting online with him because his presence didn't really register with me. Maybe I imagined the whole thing, but I doubt it.
(feel the pants)
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Also, old school Star Trek fans who have seen the movie or are worried about the movie sucking should read taraljc's entry here. No major spoilers. If you like her stuff, she has some other smart entries about the movie.
(feel the pants)
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1) Happy Birthday to the two people whose names came up when I opened Semagic. I have already forgotten them because my brain is broken that way, but you know who you are. I think that's why this is only the second time I've tried to wish someone a Happy Birthday in LJ.
3) If you have seen Star Trek, you must see this entry by banjocatbanjo. Her artwork is so delightful and silly that I just love it. But what is even funnier is her text beneath, describing what she wants to see on the Enterprise. I Bwahahaed aloud.
4) this icon used by runpunkrun but created by liviapenn especially for her (which means it's unethical for us to use it) also made me laugh out loud. It's my favorite user icon for at least the last week, maybe longer. I want to say this to everyone. EVERYONE. DAILY.
(1 space pant | feel the pants)
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http://www.twloha.com
To Write Love on Her Arms
The main page is kind of confusing with news bullets and images, but start with the link at the top that says "vision." It's easy to read. I find it kind of upsetting and unsettling, probably because I doubt that I will ever fully recover from my mental illness and my cutting. But maybe I will. Maybe you can help - I haven't read the whole site, but it looks like they have a lot of practical-type advice. My one request is that you not slam their use of God as a tool. I won't tolerate that kind of bigotry in my journal.
( about cutting )
(3 space pants | feel the pants)
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I persist - it seems to be my finest quality. Sometimes I am staticky, like the stolen cable TV channels, but I'm still here.
(4 space pants | feel the pants)
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I feel kind of nauseous. maybe I ate too many chocolate chips? I want to take a painkiller, but it might bring more nausea before it brings sleep. We shall see.
(feel the pants)
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